Thursday, April 21, 2011

Essay 4.1- Young and Stupid: A Personal Experience With Drunk Driving


With the warm spring night air streaming through the half open windows of my blue Toyota rav-4, I animatedly belted out my own version of Sublime’s What I Got.  I tapped my fingers rhythmically on the steering wheel, head bobbing away and really letting it loose, “Lovin’, is what I got, I said remember that. Lovin’, is what I got!”  Checking the time, the small green lines on the dash clock told me it was 2:30 AM; late and past my curfew.  Zoning back in on the road, I saw my best friend flick on his left blinker signaling our turn out of street-lit cop territory and up into the darkness of the hills.  We were carpooling home from a Friday night of hanging out with the guys, and once again it had came time for us to make our 12 mile return to our homes in the woods.
            The call of our own beds, and Mama’s pancakes in the morning had made us forget about the few beers we had drunk earlier while playing in that “epic” game of beer pong.  We were by no means drunk, but being under 21 we were definitely violating the “zero tolerance” drunk driving policy.   A slight miscue on the roads could end up with a run in with the police, and then we’d really be in trouble.  That was mistake number one.
            As I tugged the wheel to the left, my body leaning with the force of the turn, I felt home free.  We were in our territory now.  No local cops would be out at this hour (they always went off-duty at 11) and we knew these roads like the back of our hands.  The only chance we had of a police encounter was the rare state trooper making his late night rounds, but that was a real longshot.  Being our young and stupid selves, Julian and I knew what this meant; it was race time.  Mistake number two.
            The red orbs of his taillights grew smaller as he rapidly quickened the pace, then disappearing all together as he flew around the next curve.  “It’s on,” I thought, as I pushed in the clutch, downshifted into third and gave it some gas.  The engine churned harder, pressing me back against my seat.  “This old jalopy has still got a little pep,” I thought as I glanced at the little orange needle approaching the 60 mph mark.  We zipped along through the fresh spring night approaching one of our well known straight-a-ways where we both knew I was going to try and pass him.   Flying around a corner right on his tail the road opened up in front of us; more that a quarter mile of straight, level pavement.
            Faster and faster we went, the sides of the road a whizzing blur as we stupidly flew through the night.   Approaching 80mph with the engine screaming and the end in sight, I knew I wasn’t going to catch him.  I backed off, braking hard as the road ended it’s straight course and veered sharply left then snaked backed to the right.  Looking up I saw Julian’s taillights weave around the first corner, and then all of a sudden disappear into blackness.  Surprised and confused I quickly switched on my high beams.
            Then I saw him.   Ripping the wheel to the right, I narrowly missed crashing head on into his mangled black sedan that now sat straddling the double yellow line, facing the opposite direction we had been traveling.  I screeched to a stop, flung open the door and sprinted back to the scene.  Horrified, expecting the worst and still not completely aware of what was happening, I was more than relieved to see Julian alive and in one piece.  He was standing there, not a scratch on him, staring in disbelief at the tree that had just almost killed him and ruined his car. 
            Once I knew he was okay, our situation truly began to sink in.  Here we were, two 17 year-old kids technically over the legal limit, in the middle of the night with a totaled car stuck in the middle of the road.  It was then, as I looked at the specks of car debris scattered about the road and the flashing of my emergency lights from my vacant vehicle that I realized how truly stupid and ignorant we were.  We never thought something like this could happen to us.  We were your typical “invincible” male teenagers; oblivious to the dangers we were putting ourselves in. 
            I believe that it was this feeling of invincibility that got us in trouble that night.  Partially natural, but also partially a product of our society, it is this feeling that drives teenagers like Julian and I to take risks and test limits.  We must break this “cloak of invincibility” that shrouds American teenage youth.  It is not only until a monumental and life-changing event that kids like us will snap out of this immature trance and realize the stupidity, and potential impacts of our actions.
            Statistics gathered by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) show that a “teenage boy with a blood alcohol content of .05 (under the legal limit for an of age drinker), are 18 times more likely to experience a single vehicle crash than a non-drinking teenage boy (“Statistics of Teen Drunk Driving”).  While my buddy and I may have not been wasted behind the wheel, it is probably true that alcohol played a part in our decision to speed recklessly down that familiar rural road. 
            On to mistake number two: racing.   Again, how stupid could be we?  Even though driving on these roads was second nature, it only took one little patch of sand and driving to fast to send Julian hurtling into that tree.  The NHTSA says “motor vehicle accidents are the leading cause of death for people between the ages of 16-20,” and that out of 1,000 people who participate in street racing, 49 will get injured (“Illegal Racing Stats”).  That means that almost twenty percent of participants get hurt while sliding, and screeching around corners at high speeds.  I would say that those odds are too high to take the risk.
            So what needs to happen?  All of us remember being told that drunk driving is bad, and to make smart decisions behind the wheel.  We’ve been shown videos and read horrific stories about what can happen if we do these types of things.  It became clear to me that night that even though we had heard these messages many times, they were not powerful enough to sink in.  It took a terrifying event like this to make us realize how lucky, but insanely stupid we were at the same time.
            I argue an event like mine is preventable.  We must use stories in graphic detail, and have speakers who have lost loved ones talk to our youth about these decisions that they will face.  In 2002 in Granger, Texas, 19-year-old Amy Wolf was killed by a drunk driver.  Her parents have since dedicated themselves by using her story to educate local high schooler’s about how to make good decisions (Chiodo, par 2).  Author Lauren Chiodo, then discusses how many students wished that they were given this type of information in high school.  Here is direct evidence that we are not doing enough as a country to educate our youth on the impacts of their actions and how to make better decisions.  Even though some may disagree, I think the brutal truth is the best way to undermine the teenage sense of “invincibility” and get them to be smarter, safer and make better decisions.  High schools and driver education institutions must show the gruesome images and mother’s wailing because the loss of their children.  Maybe if I had been taught and shown some of these alarming images, I would have seen that mangled car that DARE had brought to school to show and tell, before I slammed on the gas and sped up.   But I didn’t.  I had not been forced down my throat hard enough and I chose to make the stupid decision anyway.
            I got lucky that night.  Julian got luckier.  But it was not until then, after making these stupid decisions many times earlier that we realized what we were getting ourselves in to.  Let’s as a country ramp up our efforts to educate our youth, even if it means telling and showing them disturbing and upsetting things.   I wish I had been exposed to this type of information, as it could have prevented me from almost killing my best friend.  I am older, wiser and slightly less stupid now but this night will be engrained in my mind forever.
           



















Works Cited

Chiodo, Lauren. “Local tragedy used to each drug, alcohol awareness.” The Taylor Daily Press.  Sept 1 2010. Web. 19 April 2011.

“Illegal Racing Stats.” Street Legal Drags. 2003. Web. April 18 2011.

“Statistics of Teen Drunk Driving.” Car Accident Advice.  2008.  Web. April 19 2011.

12 comments:

  1. Hey Jasper!
    I thought that all of your paragraphs had very good small details that a lot of kids from our class and age group could connect to. I also liked how you used a narrative tone throughout your entire essay instead of just restricting it to the first paragraph like most people did. It was a new creative writing technique that made your paper more interesting and fun to read. I also liked how you used repetition of the mistake sentences in your second and third paragraphs. It helped add structure and rhythm to the flow of your paper. You also used a lot of internal monologue which was cool because I think it is something that everyone does and can connect to and it was different than the form of external dialogue that most people relied on to add to their argument. I also liked how you used a metaphor “the cloak of invincibility” to describe your main argument. It is something most teenagers are familiar with and can connect to. I also liked how you offered a solution to the problem in your ending paragraphs. Your ending sentence was powerful and left the reader with plenty of food for thought.
    However there were a few areas I thought that could use some improvement in your paper. First of all, I think you made an assumption in your eighth paragraph by stating that all American teenagers feel this sense of invincibility. You could make this statement less general my saying something more like MOST teenagers feel this way. Also, in your second to last paragraph you do not explain who the author Lauren Chiodo is. It would give your source a lot more credibility if you provided the reader with more background information. Other than that you have a solid essay. KUDOS

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  2. Jasper,

    Your paper is already very strong and I see it as only needing a small amount of adjustment to be very powerful. Your narrative is just descriptive enough for your reader to begin to understand, but, as you said, you really can't convey it; it has to be experienced. I liked the parallel structure you implemented with the taillights of the car.

    The first paragraph confused me at first. "Car-pooling" isn't the term you're looking for, I don't think. Car-pooling implies that you were all in one car, so I was confused at how you could be tapping your fingers on the wheel AND watching your friend turn.

    At one point, I felt that your paper was a little scattered. That was when you brought up mistake number two a second time later in the paper. It felt like you were backtracking and it was a little confusing. In that paragraph, you talk about 49 / 1000 being almost 20%. That is completely false, though. It's almost 5%. Check your math on this.

    You did a good job of outlining your solution, but I think you still have an unanswered question: how much is enough? If you are proposing that more attention and detail be given to the topic of drunk driving education in schools, then you should really explain how much attention and what that attention looks like. In other words, you should really fully explore your solution. "...we are not doing enough as a country to educate our youth on the impacts of their actions and how to make better decisions," so how exactly DO we do that?

    "All of us remember..." should be changed to "Most of us remember..." to avoid an assumption. Are you sure they weren't powerful enough to sink in for everybody? I know I would NEVER get behind the wheel drunk because of all the things I've heard and seen. Your solution is based lightly on an assumption, but it's a fairly adequate assumption to make. I would just make sure you acknowledge the opposing view, though.

    -Matthew Fisher

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  3. Jasper,

    I liked that you chose a topic that is so relate-able. Drunk driving is especially common in today's world.

    I loved your story and your idea of what to argue. But, I felt that you almost had too much story. Mid-way I was curious what happened and why I should really care about you two racing. Many kids do that. Then it hit me.

    Along with that, I feel like you could strengthen the argument you have. I think that you have a great start to it. The questions and voice really helped guide me through it but, maybe more sources would help? Find out what schools are doing today or find people who agree with you? This would back up some assumptions you have in your paper through backing up with sources.

    Other than that, very powerful paper!
    Peggy

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  4. Jasper,
    This is a really good first draft! Your narrative was very descriptive and I couldn't stop reading to see how the ending turned out. Not only can teenagers relate to the story but also to the idea of invincible to situations, which was a good point to bring into your essay. The wording you used was great as well, "mistake one, mistake two"..i thought that it laid out the story nicely. You gain your credibility not only from the details in your own narrative but also in the statistics you put into your essay. They are really effective and unfortunately the truth about teenage driving. you also do a really great job with representativeness by bringing in other people's stories. I also thought that providing a solution was a good idea. I completely agree that teens need to be shown the harsh realities of accidents and that no one is invincible.
    The only thing that could possibly improve your paper would be to introduce your sources (especially Chiodo) so it'll enhance your credibility even more. Sorry I can't really find anything else that could help you out for further improvement. Good luck with the final paper!
    Rachel

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  5. Jasper,

    You deff chose an essay that everyday people can relate to if they are in the party scene and always want to make it home to their own beds. I thought you did a great job at explaining your story especially when you said that was mistake one and the other was mistake two. While reading i was wondering how you were gonna put in sources but i thought you did a great job at placing them in there.

    One problem may have been that you waited to long to use your sources, maybe try and and throw them in their while your explaining that your 17 and have been drinking instead of mentioning it after the entire story. There are also some grammar mistakes, so that will not be hard to fix.

    Remember do not drive drunk.

    Great job.

    Colby

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  6. Jasper,

    First of all, I thought you wrote the story portion of your essay beautifully. All of those details like the song lyrics, the physical description, and the details regarding your own feelings instantly drew me in and really made me want to read more. I also really liked how you explained the events as mistake one and two.

    You did a really great job on connecting the story to the argument, and the transitions from story to information had a very strong sense of flow. My only issue was that towards the end it felt like you started to repeat yourself a little bit. Be sure to be concise and to the point.

    Other than that and a few grammatical errors I thought this essay was very well done. Great job!

    Justine

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  7. Jasper,

    Terriffic paper! You started with the action, and fed us details one by one untill they added up to form your final argument. Your use of language is solid and allows your paper to flow nicely. Great job with the "show- don't tell" aspect of a narrative argument.

    For your title, you use the phrase "Young and Stupid." On your paper I suggested that you remove the word stupid. Give yourself some credit! The fact that you're writing about your experience and acknowledging that you made a mistake speaks volumes for your character. You can use your title as an opportunity to explain how you grew from your experience that night.

    Also, great incorporation of your sources, both from the NHTSA and Chiodo sources. The transition between your narrative and your research is smooth.

    Be careful not to just restate your points in the conclusion. Take the opportunity in your last paragraph to reflect on the whole story and to solidify your suggestion (which is great).

    If you can find research to support this, try to include facts about students better relating to guest speakers instead of corny "afterschool special" videos outdated from the early 90s.

    --Francesca

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  8. Jasper,
    I really loved this paper and it's powerful message. i love the way you blended the narrative and research parts as well. This paper has tons of potential and I'm certain you'll do well.
    Josh

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  9. Hey Jasper!
    I really like your introduction, it’s relatable and I can feel like I’m there. I think you executed your story very well my only question is the paragraphs. How did you space it?

    I think this is a really great paper you make a valid point and your information seems informative but you are not getting a naggy tone as many older people do about drunk driving.

    Although I do think your solution is effective, I’m also curious as to how to get the message out. Should schools go into detail of the possibilities or is it the parent’s jobs? I think you’re right, teens really believe to be “invincible” I’d also like to know if you think maybe that’s something we can get over. But otherwise, I think this is a really strong paper, good job!

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  10. Good essay Jasper, my suggestions would be to integrate your data more into the early parts of your story. It takes a while for your story to reach the climax so you should either weave in some data that compliments your claim or try to et to the climax earlier, as to make sure no one loses interest in your topic. The data about the girl from Texas is pretty relevant so i think that paragraph could probably be expanded into a few meaningful last paragraphs before your conclusion. If you expanded more there you could also get rid of some of the fluff in your paper. I like your topic though, very relatable.
    -joe

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  11. Jasper,
    I loved this essay. You did a fantastic job of capturing the reader and educating them. Your narrative was descriptive and you did a great job of showing us what happened instead of just telling us. Your solution was clear and practical, I just wish it was a little more detailed. It kind of took a back seat to your narrative. I am from the city where nobody drives, so this was not a concern to me, but now that I go to school here where people drive all over the place it was nice to be educated on the topic, so thank you. This essay will definitely make me think twice before getting in a car with anyone who has had even one drink. You did a fantastic job.
    Anna

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  12. Hi Jasper!


    I really like this paper. I love the small articulate detail it really gives the story a lot more voice and style. I also really like how you line up the story and start out with such a strong narrative. It was very easy to follow and very enjoyable to read.

    I like how you supported your argument with facts of reckless and drunk driving underage, it really made it a point that it is a terrible situation our peers face and re-informed me of how horrible it is to drive even if yo have one drink. I think a more appropriate title would be better too, not all young ages are stupid!

    Fantastic job with your first draft!
    Courtney

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